Freedom

I knew you weren't the deepest 
nor largest chocolate chip in the cookie,
but you were the heart, 
robustly standing out in the pack,
& I'm a Queen...
been searching for EverLasting...
Suppose as time progressed 
& I called you King
& you looked perplexed..

Should've been a clue to the rest...
Yet you 
determined to no longer be misunderstood 
as less, 
Or pushed to the back...

Filled my ears...
my head with heart, dreams, goals, 
& the hopes that this could last..
& the deep love for your daughters,
took made my heart a gasp,
Touched me as rare, ambitious, 
With an imagery spread wide & vast...
Over spring & summer rides...
& fall conversations...laughter & smiles

Your heart captured again...
A friend...
The hidden girl- behind the world,
Behind pains & sorrows unanswered,
Buried under shattered pieces of Her piles of self...

I lifted Me for another chance 
to share My Love...My Life... My Dance...
To be your wife...to take your hand...
'Til death do us part'
You were my man...

As love bloomed...so did doom
Trying this & that... 
trying to assume
What else to do?..what else to give?...
How do we live?...this way...

But i continued to grow within mySelf,
Because I've always been a Seeker...
WithIn Me... I found refugee
You...content standing still, 
shouting demands...
Questioning My elevation... 
with your man-house stances...
Rolling your eyes at my knowledge seeking...
internal wheels in motion 
& you refused to embrace the notion 
of "such nonsense"....
"Irrelevance"
No interest at'al...
in anything i loved...
"Ugh do yo have to sing? "
"What you reading now?!"
"Yeah let me see...uh huh...is that goin' to sale?
..Why you paint stuff like that? 
Ain't nobody here gon' buy stuff like that"

No embracing or inspiration
but I inspired mySelf 
& My kids inspired me...
think Ma a professional...
"They should put you in a gallery!!"
... and they always bring daily glee!

& soon i asked Who are you? Where did he go? 
What's really....Going on? 
We've lost love...focus...hope...support...
this is no longer a home...just a house
filled with misery

You're back there & I'm in constant motion!
Seeking Me
Self
Elevation
Self-education
Forwardness...
& you're content
& you look at me like I'm clueless 
when it's you
...you could care less
& I no longer care that you don't
For my efforts have been & are useless...
with you

You placed duck tape on my mouth,
Bound my voice,
And condescended my growth....
We grew into business partners
& I've gotten fucked out of the deal
Taken care of my business for years,
Having to squeeze time in 
just to take care of Me,
but Will gives Me strength...

No touches, kisses, or hugs....
jus bitchin' 
& i ain't a bitcher,
it waste My energy...
Unless fully provoked, 
then I knew...
The road had hit The Dead End...
Don't like to be pushed to defend 
My Own InnerSelf
When you don't even know yourSelf

Wondered for a bit... 
how I allowed it to go on so long
But a fighter gon stand 
to the very last straw
Allowed My Soul to be smothered,
My kids to suffer...
Fighting the battle for love...
Remembering & knowing 
true love can conquer all...

But the dart you threw clean through my heart
Caused me to trip, fall, come to my senses... 
The sight of my own blood & soul shed,
As you looked down & walked through it
Like...write about that
...so I did

Layin' listening to the distant voices of my Wombspring
Was My blood transfusion...
My confirmation... 
of My Resurrection to Rise up for Eye Am!
A Conqueror
A Survivor
More than a mental slave of an imitation protector/provider
What My Soul pours & Reflects...
Eye will open My wings & continue to project...
I've fled mySelf to save My Life!
Your departure is welcome
Subtracting your strife,
you've given Me... My Daughter & lessons learned...
what you've given us is... 
more than you'll ever comprehend
Freedom!!!

© 10/16/12 LeTisha.Woods

Lift Him Up

assimilating every word obtained,

spoken through written sounds,

dispensing imagined stenches of expired bread,

& the bitterness found… all too late,

laying in dread,

childhood losses….confusion & a lovers pain,

were conveyed through His expressions…

he felt nothing in life…. he had gained,

I felt a painful stab,

as his heart bled, the soulful cries of need,

& an all too intimate story,

of the demand… for answers of a bit clearer vision

sounds inaudible, but ever so loud,

invisible to me, but clearer than the air I breathe,

He…

& the suffering of new losses,

the heaviest stones continue to pile before you,

as quick as you’ve shed them,

from air miles away,

I feel the pulsating within your thoughts,

as my belly-nerves do summer-salts,

all the unions, clubs, groups in the world,

and, this is reality “ the child left behind”

a mind’s tick-tocking clock resonates,

in a silent room,

wondering how to make it another day,

churn-seeking a resolution,

to His heart’s destinations,

for He still has hope,

Fighting against demons, temptations,

childhood & inner battles,

at times, he considers himself doomed…

My heart aches, in a need to deliver hope,

because there is a need & there’s room,

to deliver possibility- a resolution to an all too familiar song…

to deliver comfort, where between these too souls there’s so much space,

to grab him & say “You better hold on!”

Knowing my brother wants to devour this pain,

To rise up & follow His dreams,

To take hope by the reigns, and ride Her til the end of time,

In sunshine or rain

here, I can only embrace you with encouragement & love,

How can we heal this heart, which has been fractured multiple times?

in multiple places, & there’s no one to carry the fine,

a needed soul, that needs mending,

with capabilities felt, from places unseen,

I can uplift you my brother,

encourage you to hold on,

to all that you have,

to all that you own,

knowing all that’s worth value, is within your very Self,

which can give you strength to do things,

in indescribable depths,

Let go of all that “you thought” was holding you up,

because it was a familiar safe haven, & all that you knew,

because you were told what you wanted, but knew it wasn’t good for you,

they knowing your circumstances, stood on you,

watching the pulley bring you down,

sat back, never lifting a hand,

it’s time to brace yourSelf, time to take your own stand

I can assure you of the hidden HisStory,

which is,

You are more than you’ve been taught,

the time is now, to become of seeker of truth,

a conscious knowledge seeker,

determined to continue to overcome,

the HisStory that you know, is not Your own,

the King that lives within, will teach you,

giving you the power that you truly own

I lift You up!

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie