Freedom

I knew you weren't the deepest nor largest chocolate chip in the cookie,

but you were the heart, robustly standing out in the pack,

& I'm a Queen...been searching for EverLasting...

Suppose as time progressed & I called you King

& you looked perplexed..

Should've been a clue to the rest...

Yet you determined to no longer be misunderstood as less, 

Or pushed to the back...

Filled my ears...

my head with heart, dreams, goals, 

& the hopes that this could last..

& the deep love for your daughters,

took made my heart a gasp,

Touched me as rare, ambitious, 

With an imagery spread wide & vast...

Over spring & summer rides...

& fall conversations...

laughter & smiles

Your heart captured again...

A friend...

The hidden girl- behind the world,

Behind pains & sorrows unanswered,

Buried under shattered pieces of Her piles of self...

I lifted Me for another chance to share My Love...

My Life...

My Dance...

To be your wife...

to take your hand...

'Til death do us part

You were my man...

As love bloomed...

so did doom

Trying this & that... 

trying to assume

What else to do?..

what else to give?...

How do we live?

...this way...

But i continued to grow within mySelf,

Because I've always been a Seeker...

WithIn Me... I found refugee

You...content standing still, 

shouting demands...

Questioning My elevation... 

with your man-house stances...

Rolling your eyes at my knowledge seeking...

internal wheels in motion 

& you refused to embrace the notion 

     of "such nonsense"....

Irrelevance

No interest at'al...

in anything i loved..

"Ugh do yo have to sing? "

"What you reading now?!"

"Yeah let me see...uh huh...

is that goin' to sale?..

Why you paint stuff like that? 

Ain't nobody here gon' buy stuff like that"

No embracing or inspiration

but I inspired mySelf

 & My kids inspired me..

.think Ma a professional...

"They should put you in a gallery!!"

... and they always bring daily glee!

& soon i asked Who are you?

Where did he go? 

What's really....Going on? 

We've lost love...

focus...hope...support...

this is no longer a home...

just a house filled with misery

You're back there

& I'm in constant motion!

Seeking Me

SelfElevation

Self-education

Forwardness...

& you're content

& you look at me like I'm clueless 

when it's you..

.you could care less

& I no longer care that you don't

For my efforts have been & are useless...

with you

You placed duck tape on my mouth,

Bound my voice,

And condescended my growth....

We grew into business partners

& I've gotten fucked out of the deal

Taken care of my business for years,

Having to squeeze time in just to take care of Me,

but Will gives Me strength...

No touches, kisses, or hugs...

.jus bitchin' & i ain't a bitcher

,it waste My energy...

Unless fully provoked, 

then I knew...

The road had hit The Dead End...

Don't like to be pushed to defend 

My Own InnerSelf

When you don't even know yourSelf

Wondered for a bit... 

how I allowed it to go on so long

But a fighter gon stand to the very last straw

Allowed My Soul to be smothered,

My kids to suffer...

Fighting the battle for love...

Remembering & knowing true love can conquer all...

But the dart you threw clean through my heart

Caused me to trip,

fall,

come to my senses... 

The sight of my own blood & soul shed,

As you looked down & walked through it

Like...write about that...

so I did

Layin' listening to the distant voices of my Wombspring

Was My blood transfusion...

My confirmation... 

of My Resurrection to Rise up for Eye Am!

A Conqueror

A Survivor

More than a mental slave of an imitation protector/provider

What My Soul pours & Reflects...

Eye will open My wings & continue to project...

I've fled mySelf to save My Life!

Your departure is welcome

Subtracting your strife,

you've given Me...

My Daughter & lessons learned...

what you've given us is... 

more than you'll ever comprehend

Freedom!!!

© 10/16/12 LeTisha.Woods

Lift Him Up

assimilating every word obtained,

spoken through written sounds,

dispensing imagined stenches of expired bread,

& the bitterness found… all too late,

laying in dread,

childhood losses….confusion & a lovers pain,

were conveyed through His expressions…

he felt nothing in life…. he had gained,

I felt a painful stab,

as his heart bled, the soulful cries of need,

& an all too intimate story,

of the demand… for answers of a bit clearer vision

sounds inaudible, but ever so loud,

invisible to me, but clearer than the air I breathe,

He…

& the suffering of new losses,

the heaviest stones continue to pile before you,

as quick as you’ve shed them,

from air miles away,

I feel the pulsating within your thoughts,

as my belly-nerves do summer-salts,

all the unions, clubs, groups in the world,

and, this is reality “ the child left behind”

a mind’s tick-tocking clock resonates,

in a silent room,

wondering how to make it another day,

churn-seeking a resolution,

to His heart’s destinations,

for He still has hope,

Fighting against demons, temptations,

childhood & inner battles,

at times, he considers himself doomed…

My heart aches, in a need to deliver hope,

because there is a need & there’s room,

to deliver possibility- a resolution to an all too familiar song…

to deliver comfort, where between these too souls there’s so much space,

to grab him & say “You better hold on!”

Knowing my brother wants to devour this pain,

To rise up & follow His dreams,

To take hope by the reigns, and ride Her til the end of time,

In sunshine or rain

here, I can only embrace you with encouragement & love,

How can we heal this heart, which has been fractured multiple times?

in multiple places, & there’s no one to carry the fine,

a needed soul, that needs mending,

with capabilities felt, from places unseen,

I can uplift you my brother,

encourage you to hold on,

to all that you have,

to all that you own,

knowing all that’s worth value, is within your very Self,

which can give you strength to do things,

in indescribable depths,

Let go of all that “you thought” was holding you up,

because it was a familiar safe haven, & all that you knew,

because you were told what you wanted, but knew it wasn’t good for you,

they knowing your circumstances, stood on you,

watching the pulley bring you down,

sat back, never lifting a hand,

it’s time to brace yourSelf, time to take your own stand

I can assure you of the hidden HisStory,

which is,

You are more than you’ve been taught,

the time is now, to become of seeker of truth,

a conscious knowledge seeker,

determined to continue to overcome,

the HisStory that you know, is not Your own,

the King that lives within, will teach you,

giving you the power that you truly own

I lift You up!

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

HerStory

I hungrily ate each letter,

digested them gently, one by one,

& made words,

knowing the power that is HerStory,

the power she can’t see,

& power I can no longer let go undone

as I looked within Her full, dark eyes,

peering into a brain of resting wisdom,

I see hope through the severity of Her pain

the wanting of not even a shoulder,

but, just a listening ear,

an honest, understanding heart,

knowing the anguish held in for years

~~they don’t know!

they don’t even care!

they stare, & judge me, from rumors carried everywhere!

casting lines, hooking my spirit,

tearing my unhealed scars,

ripping my unhealed wounds,

because they don’t choose to know me~~

~~they don’t want to

never even tried,

they’ve hated me,

without knowing who I am inside,

they’ve rated me, based on some ungodly scale,

thinking this is the fate I’ve made for myself-

well they can all go to hell!~~

~~I’ve been down,

cracked out…yeah I’ve been at rock bottom’s bottom,

as they pointed & as they watch….shaking their heads…

& I don’t speak, I look..

Sometimes I’ve winked…just for the sake of it!!!~~

~~I’ve let them throw dirt & reopen old, yet barely healing wounds,

…..looking up at the moon,

I walk off to get my next hit,

covering the pain of a scarred over, infected wound….

just to make it another day~~

~~screaming inside, Wait!!!!!!!!!

You! You don’t know me!! You don’t know my fuckin’ story!!!

You… don’t knowww…wh..a.t it’s like….You know nothing!!! Hypocrites you!!

You.. you… think it’s too late, but I’ll show you. 

You!! who never cared enough to ask!!!

You!! who never gave a damn about a lil girl!!!!

You forgot me, but I’ll always remember you….

You never asked what happened to the smart lil girl….

….the educated lil sister….

that went from heaven to hell overnight!!!

You yellin’ you for the people!!!

You….walked away!!!

You….walked all over me like a piece of ass for sale…..

A lil girl!!! Trying to survive, all confused in this world…

of cruel adults….

Ohhh….How could you??? And then judge me!!!?

You never asked!!!

And then later….as I fell….still…you never asked….

……is there anything that you need?~~

But, she didn’t scream it,

the awakening women,

broken child,

she cried, within the safety of her high….

~~nor would I get on my knees, beg or plead!

to tell them My story…of my rape,

….to those who had no clue,

but gifted me hatred & judgment for years,

no I wouldn’t tell them of my stolen childhood,

….those who knew & swept it under the rug,

as if they could tell me how to deal with it,

as if they knew when enough time had passed,

like I could swat it away like a bug on my ass,

& as if they knew, when the nightmares would go away,

THEY HAVEN’T! I remember it, just like it was yesterday!

Oh NO! Not my blood, who walked over me,

Talked over me, & about me,

forgetting Sistah was never dumb,

….Just broken~~

~~& I’m smart enough that I must give thanks!

I still have the consciousness to say I want to overcome!

But, as I rise up,

I’ll never forget the theft of my lost blood,

the deception of my bloodline,

nor the blood that left me homeless,

But I’ll remember the Ones who help me now,

giving encouragement,

to stand,

to give to My loves~~

~~I’ll never forget the religious families, the righteous families,

my preacher uncle, the combination…

who raped the lil girl I was,

& tried to steal My Soul~~

She told.

© 9/8/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Two Thousand Twelve “We are Free?”

Two Thousand Twelve “We are Free?” Two Thousand Twelve, “We are Free?” Is that free to be who you say we should be? & then is that free? Freedictionary.com…..I didn’t have to pay for this definition or site…it was free…… Free: enjoying personal rights or liberty as a person who is not in slavery. Two thousand twelve, We are a Black people, “We are free” With the death of another of our brothers- I find the vision hard to believe; The history we’ve been taught tells a story- “Equality for all”, The definition I must have missed; We’ve lived to see another of our innocents fall, to the gunshot of “they” not all; My helium heart is full capacity……Can’t hold in the pain, As the resurrections- the truths of souls, have begun to flow, …..the speed & currents of a broken dam, It’s a tornado in my brain, spiraling down to the tips of my toes; We’ve known for years, that our painful journey never ended, As time progresses, Spirits reveal themselves…..confirming division was never truly mended; The death of young Trayvon Martin has stirred emotions…..new world-wide tensions, We’d like to lay here- heads covered, thinking these gasoline hearts are a thing of the past, But the blood running from the depths of my being is like fire, screaming- “It’s time to step up and stand up!” Fuck kissing ass! Unspoken pain, unshed tears, The voices of black cries for hundreds of years ……has to take a mic!…..has to take a stand! ……has to come together…. to become One Soul of Our Mother Land The un-inherited self-destruction we’ve taken on….. that is not yours! It’s not your own! Give it back…let it go! Look within ….it’s time to show----- ………. the world that We are human….. We are free…. We are One……. Trayvon are we…… No longer will we be stepping stones, We stand…. Stand together……For freedom is Ours to own; It’s not a gift, it’s a right, To walk in day, as well as night, To live and die, for the rights of Our Black Lives It’s time you see, like you….. We are free. ©LeTisha.Bowie 3/24/12