I hungrily ate each letter,
digested them gently, one by one,
& made words,
knowing the power that is HerStory,
the power she can’t see,
& power I can no longer let go undone
as I looked within Her full, dark eyes,
peering into a brain of resting wisdom,
I see hope through the severity of Her pain
the wanting of not even a shoulder,
but, just a listening ear,
an honest, understanding heart,
knowing the anguish held in for years
~~they don’t know!
they don’t
even care!
they stare,
& judge me, from rumors carried everywhere!
casting
lines, hooking my spirit,
tearing my
unhealed scars,
ripping my
unhealed wounds,
because they
don’t choose to know me~~
~~they don’t want to
never even
tried,
they’ve hated
me,
without
knowing who I am inside,
they’ve rated
me, based on some ungodly scale,
thinking
this is the fate I’ve made for myself-
well they
can all go to hell!~~
~~I’ve been down,
cracked
out…yeah I’ve been at rock bottom’s bottom,
as they
pointed & as they watch….shaking their heads…
& I
don’t speak, I look..
Sometimes I’ve
winked…just for the sake of it!!!~~
~~I’ve let them throw dirt & reopen
old, yet barely healing wounds,
…..looking
up at the moon,
I walk off
to get my next hit,
covering the
pain of a scarred over, infected wound….
just to make
it another day~~
~~screaming inside, Wait!!!!!!!!!
You! You
don’t know me!! You don’t know my fuckin’ story!!!
You… don’t
knowww…wh..a.t it’s like….You know nothing!!! Hypocrites you!!
You.. you…
think it’s too late, but I’ll show you.
You!! who
never cared enough to ask!!!
You!! who
never gave a damn about a lil girl!!!!
You forgot
me, but I’ll always remember you….
You never
asked what happened to the smart lil girl….
….the
educated lil sister….
that went
from heaven to hell overnight!!!
You yellin’
you for the people!!!
You….walked
away!!!
You….walked
all over me like a piece of ass for sale…..
A lil
girl!!! Trying to survive, all confused in this world…
of cruel
adults….
Ohhh….How
could you??? And then judge me!!!?
You never
asked!!!
And then
later….as I fell….still…you never asked….
……is there
anything that you need?~~
But, she didn’t scream it,
the awakening women,
broken child,
she cried, within the safety of her high….
~~nor would I get on my knees, beg or
plead!
to tell them
My story…of my rape,
….to those
who had no clue,
but gifted
me hatred & judgment for years,
no I
wouldn’t tell them of my stolen childhood,
….those who
knew & swept it under the rug,
as if they
could tell me how to deal with it,
as if they
knew when enough time had passed,
like I could
swat it away like a bug on my ass,
& as if
they knew, when the nightmares would go away,
THEY
HAVEN’T! I remember it, just like it was yesterday!
Oh NO! Not
my blood, who walked over me,
Talked over
me, & about me,
forgetting Sistah
was never dumb,
….Just
broken~~
~~& I’m smart enough that I must
give thanks!
I still have
the consciousness to say I want to overcome!
But, as I
rise up,
I’ll never
forget the theft of my lost blood,
the deception
of my bloodline,
nor the
blood that left me homeless,
But I’ll
remember the Ones who help me now,
giving
encouragement,
to stand,
to give to My
loves~~
~~I’ll never forget the religious families,
the righteous families,
my preacher
uncle, the combination…
who raped
the lil girl I was,
& tried
to steal My Soul~~
She told.
©
9/8/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie
Bless you Sistah!! It feels my heart for Our Spiritual connections- the growth and upliftment.....it took me a while to open the clamp from my throat & scarred soul, allowing my voice to speak for me... then for us, but I know that buried pain within buried me as well.....I connect with your words so, and do overstand "unseen" tears.....My Sistah Love, I so thank you for sharing your voice....together we will send vibrations for our Sistah Goddesses to discover their "ah ha" moment and reach the awakening that will forever free us!!! Peace
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