Can I?

After I’ve…

given my heart, my mind, shared my soul,

only to have my fears returned to me on a silver platter…

thinking I was cherished, loved & protected,

in return, from the many woes this life brings….

Again I’ve been burned

I just want to know …

after I’ve been a friend, comfort, a lover…

& it wasn’t enough to cover the fare,

from the shattering of my heart,

receiving pieces of me crumbling,  

from my open chest, left bare

I wanna know if…if…

Is there a place anywhere for Me?

…to safely lay my heart?

Can I be the stars in Your eyes and put a crescent moon on Your face?

My past is My past, I won’t let this be the last

of Me…

taking the good from the bad,

as lessons Imma keep growing…

knowing, it should have been You in the first place,

but there’s no time to rewind the mistakes…

Can I give love, like I love Me,

and be loved like no one else?

Can I kiss Your tears, share Your fears,

spend the rest of My years…

undressing Your raw soul,

telling stories for the first time,

& A MasterKey hears Me?

Can I hold You & hear Your burdens?

….hushing them in a kiss, that leads to nights of passion & bliss?

of reNewing faith….. ?

….Awakening to infinite sunrises, of ever after smiles

& Your embrace?

….Making Our Own world,

feeding on Our hearts pleasures & necessities,

from the keloid covered bosom’s of long awaited nesting?

…to the rhythm of your heart’s beat, against my back,

while we relax, wind down,

digesting Our whispers of knowing…loving….glowing?

…2-Gether.

Can I safely share My Secret Garden, & you nourish my Urth?

….with all of your desires, I’ll be Your Heaven & Your Worth…

Making them bloom reality, as You shoulder my delicate Soul,

I’ll shield the dart, no more heart spills,

as We rotate the Earth…

wrapped in Your wings, Friends & Lovers,

elevating One another…

to all levels…unDiscovered….

lost in apsirations & dreams come true…

Me & You,

You & I,

…..intoxicated on New Love & tear-belly filled anticipation,

of life & ReBirth

Can I?

© 10/7/12 LeTisha.Woods             

Cesspit

Full

Thoughts like pillow stuffing, pushed in my head,

reminders, notes, appointments I’m fed

Worries fit in wherever they can,

even, when there is nowhere… they are where they land

Fear of forgetting or lacking-  finances or time,

doubts of not giving enough of me, drowning Me out

Overwhelming this Determined Soul once & once again;

Hopes, dreams, wonders holding fast in my gut,

but can’t get out of this calamitous hole…

Rut.

from my gut….reflections of light seep through the darkening pit,

& each new burden, simultaneously fill My illuminations

…regurgitating this problem as it presents..

Life feeds me issues anew,

haven’t rid the sour taste prior, laying my palette

With no more tears,

I look over past years,

thinking all My choices were made, as best, as errors were corrected,

Yet I remain in society’s cesspit- a disposal of forgotten mess….

movements that are just acts of automated motions,

Only carefully thought, when involving my babies,

the reflections of hope, resembling light, remaining of My lone Self

Tired & Still,

I refuse to feel sorry for MySelf- for Me,

I know Who lies within the Depths unseen.

I “Must” continue on, in this surrounding, political shit!

Rousing & Inspiring My babies “To Be!”  “To Be!”

“To Be! Despite it all.  Fight from the beginning, Fight through it all….

Fight through the falls!  But “Be” Despite All Odds!!”

Angry, Aggravated, Pissed- Yes.

….at the Soul-Sucking Leeches,

exhausting the very survival of livelihood, of the working wo&man;

but Sorry for Me- No.

Never wanted to be rich,

Never have….

See-the rich are as miserable as broke- ones ain’t never had,

but the comfort of Contentment, Peace, Of Joy,

Of Smiles, of Yesses, and Sures,

 instead of no, not now, not this time, not this time,

not this time,

& maybe next time,

until, maybe they’ve forgotten- I hope…

but, in My heart remains the couldn’ts, Mama don’t have, didn’t haves,

Wish I could haves, wish I could…

No matter how much I work, no matter what I try to do….

I wanna say, “What’s the use?”…Work…this “life”

Fuck it all!!  At least I can spend quality time with them!!

….make My dreams Memories, Millions of feet tall….

Reality.

Knowing….I have food to supply…Medications to buy,

School to instill, so on & so on…

I keep on going

In mechanical hell…

listening to the “get it together” stories of how somebody got it worse

& how somebody had it this way, when they were a child

Well ya know, I’m sorry you had it like that

& I’m grateful for healthy children…Thank My Master every chance I get!! ” I do!!”

but this is a new day & time

It should be better;  damn it it aint!!!!

I’m thankful for My struggles as a child,

because of them “I have the memories of strength to go on”

But, I will not use it for an excuse not to want or expect more!

……& I go on praying the love channeled between my children & I will contain My sanity,

…..& I pray I’m sane long enough to see, they’ve heard & followed Ma’s words to go “up” hill

from their 1^st steps out, fighting like hell to stay at the top….

 “ If you should fall…. fight on the ground, come up fighting, but Don’t stop!” 

Once you’re on the bottom, in the middle even,….

It’s like a shoe’s heel over your head to keep you there…

In the Cesspit.

“You Be!”

5/23/12 © LeTisha.Bowie