Deaf Ears

couldn't pay you with the last of the nickels you left me with,
to fulfill your promises
or to display some of that midnight lovin' in Day's light,
to create peace, in the world that surrounded us...
& it didn't matter what I said or did,
all of the facts & tears went ignored
& if the clues had been written in stone,
you still wouldn't have seen the house in which we dwelt,
was no longer a home,
my voice had become silent to your hearing...
deaf ears refused my voice's pleas,
as I exhaustedly beat the drums inside of your ears,
with my determination for change, hopes in your abilities
& fear of another failure,
...with confusion strong & persistence...
I listened to you say you never saw it, say you didn't know,
& man...I've had a hard time comprehending that,
with all the tears you watched flow,
now your overdue attention just doesn't stream smoothly
& as suddenly as the pounding upon your eardrums ceased,
so did my heart's bleeding,
I saw that we were merely sustaining in survival mode
& you know, even when I spelled that little bit out,
I was still the only one who understood the severity of my lost hope,
...it was when our Love was parched dry & I had nothing left to spill,
that you began wondering the reasoning for my disconnect,
proclaiming that you didn't understand & how you would swallow this huge pill,

Me?.....
Stunned by the suggestion that my hell, my loneliness, my suffering...
that my very spirit had not only been stomped, but rolled up & left orphaned,
Pain-numb...
there are no words, no expressions nor emotions you could give,
which could free this repetitive fear...
the depth of my hollowness won't allow such a reaction to be stimulated,
for another bond to have been breached...
but I listened on....I did...
knowing you knew, as well as I by the calloused scars I had revealed,
& listened myself into an ignorance of reality, for my dreams that still lived...
now perplexed by the bile released from your guts,
but unmoved & steadfast in the least,
as I'd had my own taste of disgust
there's truly nothing I'm willing to do, again...
for loneliness & weariness have pierced me through & through,
but It no longer tortures me, with questions to things I'll never know,
it's taken too much energy, & I've already began using it to rebuild my soul,
knowing it is worth every ounce of who I Am
~ “Enough”

© 10/25/2013 LeTisha.Woods

Life-Long Winter

it's cold outside, within the mainstream of frozen stone-hearts & iceberg souls

consistently surviving these winter storms, I march on, trying to keep my pace,

trying not to fall into the cracking iced pavement beneath me,

I hike the mountains, steel-gripped soles,

with all my might, determined to peak, determined to fight,

even amongst this life-long, blizzard's coldness, that beats against my high set cheeks,

stopping...but, only long enough to notice the Sun's shine...

...long enough to notice that... currently, we're actually facing Summer's glory

& I see Her glowing, apart a quick moment,

as I have to keep my pace quick, to win this race,

which seems abnormal in growth, looking down upon weathered & beaten shoes

my feet feel bare... as bare as my heart in this second's stare...

...a second

...to steal a stare, & life appears at a stand still,

as I momentarily, stand still, knowing I still feel Winter's rage...

& Eye Am grateful for an anchored Soul,

for it is here that I go, to regain sanity's sake,

withIn... to remind mySelf that Eye Am...

that...that... this hold I must! Keep, as I feel mySelf in weak-ness

a slippery-sloped pavement's map,

a lesson to my seeds.... this life's a battle yea...

but, you have to refuse the poison of its disease-s....

its greed.....&

...some call it a living hell

& this old spirit of mine has a hell of a tale,

as 'Eye Am' replenishes Her own warmth daily,

keeping a weary heart pumping,

surrounded by a cold world, full of infected minds, trying to freeze souls

& when this body wants to succumb to the will of 'Its' death....

the beating of my ancestors' ancient drums sound off within me,

refusing my feet to become as like the hardened ice beneath us,

because, this mirage society feeds is some tricky shit,

yet, Eye am the Earth beneath my feet, the air in which Eye breathe....

the Urth that will continue on, with a Soul shrieking song,

crying out to the beating of my feet!! as they pound the ground,

with a reminder that Eye'm still in this race!

& I continue on consistently,

though I will not always, consistently continue on “this way”

& I hold to the internal conflict of ….

a “once upon a time” weariness.....of Her life's struggles

… the refuge of “the soon to come,”

melting away of the the external frozen slivers,

greeting her destination, before another frozen soul emerges ice

© LeTisha.W.Bowie 6/22/13