stirring
from many nights of sleepless turmoil,
her heavy
tear-stained eyes slowly elevated & troubled heart stilled,
she inhaled….
with the knowing of another day’s breath of life,
&
exhaled with the fearful possibility of hope
rising….she
methodically walks, as her mind is surpassed with thoughts…
realizing
that She does have “a pot ta piss in”
& at
least “a windah ta throw it out”,
drawing promise
from Her soul,
because it
is Here, where there’s the only presence of light!!
recognizing
the wooden planks beneath Her
that may not
sparkle with marble or fancy stones,
yet, “Her”
Earth doesn’t peer up & through, at her,
as when she
was a child,
& each
step caused shifts…
smiling through
its cracks, down there, waiting to catch the lil’ girl
“Her” floor’s
strength, without fancied enchantments,
“does” hold
Her…it holds
holds warmth
from the wintry weather ….
holds
coolness during summery seasons….
& holds
reminders of childhood memories,
reminding Her,
that these days could be worse,
today she
knows she must go on
anxiety
tends to dominant Her Spirit & Soul,
& her mind
says, “Just give it up; there’s nothing else you can do.”….
“You can’t
give...you can’t even buy what your family needs from you….”
it doesn’t matter what She tries……She just
doesn’t seem to have the glue
to hold these masses of matters together,
with everything She does and all that She’s
tried,
with all the heart She gives…She always
falls short…
then one of
many,
a young man
tells Her His Story…awakening Her
to some
facts known, but easily overseen by life’s loads
rousing Her
Soul…
She does have a home and family…
…..at least
today…
which He’s
never had,
and she
knows she must continue toward Her destiny,
she knows
she must go on
after
walking the rain, to shed tears unseen,
summoning
strength incessantly, from ever & always,
meditating,
praying, reflecting, being….
uplifting is all She knows to do
working, supporting, standing in the gap….
is what She was raised to do,
Being, Doing,
Inspiring, Speaking is all Eye Am
….it is Me
Trying, Persevering
is all Eye can do.
to Be the
best of Me…
Even though
it’s won me no medals…
won me no
fame…
it’s given
Me Me…
it is all
that is left of Me,
after giving
MySelf, for the lives of everyone else,
to be
trampled, like the overlooked beauty of fall leaves;
now, Eye’m
asked to give this up
again, when
it’s what’s saved me before,
from the
very same life’s struggles,
the struggles?
Is that what Eye’m giving me up to defend?
the ones that
never end?
time to put
your children first?
“My”
Miracles! They have never been anything but,
since I
birthed!!”
there are
many days I go on, because they’re here!
days for
“mama’s” time are rare. ….
you’ve given
& taken from me here,
all at one
time….
the pain is
inexplicable,
as I endure
questions with no answers, over & over again…
I walk away
once more,
living with
your peculiar replays in my brain…out on a limb…
My words? My art?
My words & My art hold me here!
these are My
“only” pieces of peace!
your
opinions allow no room for the cares of My heart’s purpose…
the purpose of
My being,
the purpose my mind can still cling to sanity,
now I know
why you don’t care to hear the things I express,
it’s not
because you don’t understand,
it’s not
because you can’t relate,
but, because
you feel your sacrifices should also be mine
you don’t
care to know, nor do you care to feel
that these are
the reflections of your days, my days, her days, his days,
our hells,
our heavens, our smiles, our joys,
shone from
within the stories in my way…
our
pleasures, our pains, our pits, our graves, our resurrections!
our steel
ladders and uprising,
lunging us
from the tombs of life
Eye’m still
accepting this expression of “your” love…
in Your way,
because it is yours…
you again, give
me words,
and Eye thank
you for them… still.
Eye thank
you for throwing dirt on my grave, unknowingly;
because
today I still rose…
& it is
still fresh, as Eye take whiffs of earth’s aroma,
as Eye, “again”,
dig my way out,
still lightly
& freshly covered, taking my walk;
dusting myself
off, lighting an incense,
Eye begin to
proofread “Eye Am Alive”
….Eye love
you for you appraisal
your
criticism, in my disapproval…..
today is
another day, Eye’ve engaged in life’s battle,
Eye fight to
go on, for My own dreams;
for a
change, for a chance,
as Eye show
my children how to fight for theirs.
as Eye look
at my headboard fall apart, Eye smile.
working an
honest Goddess’ work day every day,
Eye look at
my bills overflowing onto the floor & I smile;
because Eye
have a bed, and I have a floor,
as long as
Eye work,
as long as
Eye work to live, whatever my choice of work may be;
as long as
Eye’m the example of engaging in life’s war, for The Soul’s Dreams;
as long as
Eye’m the example of engaging in the battle of life, for The Soul’s Destiny,
Eye’m alive.
Eye thank
you for the revelation.
I will write
on.
Eye Am
alive.
©8/10/12
LeTisha.Woods.Bowie
