Lift Him Up

assimilating every word obtained,

spoken through written sounds,

dispensing imagined stenches of expired bread,

& the bitterness found… all too late,

laying in dread,

childhood losses….confusion & a lovers pain,

were conveyed through His expressions…

he felt nothing in life…. he had gained,

I felt a painful stab,

as his heart bled, the soulful cries of need,

& an all too intimate story,

of the demand… for answers of a bit clearer vision

sounds inaudible, but ever so loud,

invisible to me, but clearer than the air I breathe,

He…

& the suffering of new losses,

the heaviest stones continue to pile before you,

as quick as you’ve shed them,

from air miles away,

I feel the pulsating within your thoughts,

as my belly-nerves do summer-salts,

all the unions, clubs, groups in the world,

and, this is reality “ the child left behind”

a mind’s tick-tocking clock resonates,

in a silent room,

wondering how to make it another day,

churn-seeking a resolution,

to His heart’s destinations,

for He still has hope,

Fighting against demons, temptations,

childhood & inner battles,

at times, he considers himself doomed…

My heart aches, in a need to deliver hope,

because there is a need & there’s room,

to deliver possibility- a resolution to an all too familiar song…

to deliver comfort, where between these too souls there’s so much space,

to grab him & say “You better hold on!”

Knowing my brother wants to devour this pain,

To rise up & follow His dreams,

To take hope by the reigns, and ride Her til the end of time,

In sunshine or rain

here, I can only embrace you with encouragement & love,

How can we heal this heart, which has been fractured multiple times?

in multiple places, & there’s no one to carry the fine,

a needed soul, that needs mending,

with capabilities felt, from places unseen,

I can uplift you my brother,

encourage you to hold on,

to all that you have,

to all that you own,

knowing all that’s worth value, is within your very Self,

which can give you strength to do things,

in indescribable depths,

Let go of all that “you thought” was holding you up,

because it was a familiar safe haven, & all that you knew,

because you were told what you wanted, but knew it wasn’t good for you,

they knowing your circumstances, stood on you,

watching the pulley bring you down,

sat back, never lifting a hand,

it’s time to brace yourSelf, time to take your own stand

I can assure you of the hidden HisStory,

which is,

You are more than you’ve been taught,

the time is now, to become of seeker of truth,

a conscious knowledge seeker,

determined to continue to overcome,

the HisStory that you know, is not Your own,

the King that lives within, will teach you,

giving you the power that you truly own

I lift You up!

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

My Sacrifice is Not Yours

Sacrifice:  to offer, to surrender…to give freely of yourSelf…

to and for the sake of things or people,

for your devoted love and value of them.

My sacrifice may not be yours, nor yours mine.

ours are ours, and to take away the love of either’s,

for personal motives, understood or misunderstood,

leaves room for Self-evaluation;

in life, as mothers and as parents,

most of us, we do the best we can manage,

though in living it, some tend to pass judgments,

without knowing each other’s circumstances;

you see, I may sacrifice my lunch for my child’s supper,

you may have sacrifice your evening for a second job to keep suppers,

I may sacrifice my evenings for chaperoning & participating…

at band, strings, and sports events,

You may have sacrificed those same activities for your peace…

You may have sacrificed those events for finances, in which you had to work…

& many of these, you just couldn’t reach…

I may struggle with finances to keep mine active and of the streets,

while you worked & had to take the risks of leaving us house to house for keep,

until the oldest could raise the youngest,

& then I was the piece of peace keeper…

you see your preachin’s of “keepin’ your pants up and knees closed”

“cuz you ain’t bringin’ no babies in here for me to raise”

never went too far…

they reproduced more than just child,

but resentment of the fact, that I felt I was raising yours…

as a child, not understanding sacrifices,

nor wanting to, when you’re dealing with touches unpleasant,

& threats from low-life peasants,

then, My peace never came….

answers nor understanding never came…

after a while, a gift of life did,

reality hit a homerun,

& your replay in my head stopped……

Not recalling when my childhood started,

but “My” life had begun

I may run my like I’m in a marathon going for the gold,

Like a rugged dog,

the sun’s rays making the end look nearer,

the pavement looks like the water is just a lil’ bit closer,

yet the race is nowhere near its end,

to be home when my babies are home, and home when they’re asleep,

while you singly worked sometimes two jobs,

to care for the lives of three,

& I was taking care of your two;

Your sacrifices, the surviving single Mother,

doing the best you knew how,

You did the most salutary of “Your” Being,

Mine come, a married Mother,

of Today, doing the best I can,

to love from the knowing of Your strength,

not the callings of what some may consider Your error,

the error is of the ignorant, malformed minds, of those you entrusted,

& entrusted,

in which, now I cannot.

Who would I be?

What of a Mother would I be to repeat, yet not learn of the paths We’ve walked?

I’m making My own sacrifices that work on My journey.

I “will” give up my plate.

I “will” stay up late.

I’ll go sleepless nights.

I’ll superlatively climb all heights.

I may not pass your test,

but I’ll be here to make sure they pass theirs.

I may not make “every” concert, every tournament, or every game,

but I’ll try.

I will sacrifice my rest, to show my face.

I will sacrifice my weariness, to take my place.

In the stands, in the bleachers, on the floors….yelling their names,

letting them know,

“Mama sees you!!! I’m here!! You can do it!!”

I’ll sacrifice my life!!!!

& I no longer blame you,

as I did, when I was a child.

the sacrifices you chose are no longer mine,

the ones I choose aren’t yours…this will be my fine.

“You” did the best that you knew….

What you had to do…..

Know that the memories I don’t own, I will instill into mine,

the ones I retain, I will kill to prevent,

Don’t you condemn me for the weight of My Own will,

Sure the force gets grave,

And let it bury me in the Earth!

But I’ll sacrifice “My” life, for the lives that I birthed!!

In Your sacrifices of love, for financial stability

& a lil’ piece of Your own peace,

Unwillingly, You sacrificed pieces of me,

I can only speak for the 1 child of 3,

I can only speak for me,

we all have our own story to tell,

My lessons, I learned well,

when another man’s work day extracts too much from My child,

That’s when My sacrifices to them are done,

it will be time to put that chapter in the file.

©LeTisha.Woods.Bowie 8/11/12

Eye Am Alive

stirring from many nights of sleepless turmoil,

her heavy tear-stained eyes slowly elevated & troubled heart stilled,

she inhaled…. with the knowing of another day’s breath of life,

& exhaled with the fearful possibility of hope

rising….she methodically walks, as her mind is surpassed with thoughts…

realizing that She does have “a pot ta piss in”

& at least “a windah ta throw it out”,

drawing promise from Her soul,

because it is Here, where there’s the only presence of light!!

recognizing the wooden planks beneath Her

that may not sparkle with marble or fancy stones,

yet, “Her” Earth doesn’t peer up & through, at her,

as when she was a child,

& each step caused shifts…

smiling through its cracks, down there, waiting to catch the lil’ girl

“Her” floor’s strength, without fancied enchantments,

“does” hold Her…it holds

holds warmth from the wintry weather ….

holds coolness during summery seasons….

& holds reminders of childhood memories,

reminding Her, that these days could be worse,

today she knows she must go on

anxiety tends to dominant Her Spirit & Soul,

& her mind says, “Just give it up; there’s nothing else you can do.”….

“You can’t give...you can’t even buy what your family needs from you….”

it doesn’t matter what She tries……She just doesn’t seem to have the glue

to hold these masses of matters together,

with everything She does and all that She’s tried,

with all the heart She gives…She always falls short…

then one of many,

a young man tells Her His Story…awakening Her

to some facts known, but easily overseen by life’s loads

rousing Her Soul…

She does have a home and family…

…..at least today…

which He’s never had,

and she knows she must continue toward Her destiny,

she knows she must go on

after walking the rain, to shed tears unseen,

summoning strength incessantly, from ever & always,

meditating, praying, reflecting, being….

uplifting is all She knows to do

working, supporting, standing in the gap….

is what She was raised to do,

Being, Doing, Inspiring, Speaking is all Eye Am

 ….it is Me

Trying, Persevering is all Eye can do.

to Be the best of Me…

Even though it’s won me no medals…

won me no fame…

it’s given Me Me…

it is all that is left of Me,

after giving MySelf, for the lives of everyone else,

to be trampled, like the overlooked beauty of fall leaves;

now, Eye’m asked to give this up

again, when it’s what’s saved me before,

from the very same life’s struggles,

the struggles?

 Is that what Eye’m giving me up to defend?

the ones that never end?

time to put your children first?

“My” Miracles! They have never been anything but,

since I birthed!!”

there are many days I go on, because they’re here!

days for “mama’s” time are rare. ….

you’ve given & taken from me here,

all at one time….

the pain is inexplicable,

as I endure questions with no answers, over & over again…

I walk away once more,

living with your peculiar replays in my brain…out on a limb…

My words?  My art?

My words & My art hold me here!

these are My “only” pieces of peace!

your opinions allow no room for the cares of My heart’s purpose…

the purpose of My being,

the purpose my mind can still cling to sanity, 

now I know why you don’t care to hear the things I express,

it’s not because you don’t understand,

it’s not because you can’t relate,

but, because you feel your sacrifices should also be mine

you don’t care to know, nor do you care to feel

that these are the reflections of your days, my days, her days, his days,

our hells, our heavens, our smiles, our joys,

shone from within the stories in my way…

our pleasures, our pains, our pits, our graves, our resurrections!

our steel ladders and uprising,

lunging us from the tombs of life

Eye’m still accepting this expression of “your” love…

in Your way, because it is yours…

you again, give me words,

and Eye thank you for them… still.

Eye thank you for throwing dirt on my grave, unknowingly;

because today I still rose…

& it is still fresh, as Eye take whiffs of earth’s aroma,

as Eye, “again”, dig my way out,

still lightly & freshly covered, taking my walk;

dusting myself off, lighting an incense,

Eye begin to proofread “Eye Am Alive”

….Eye love you for you appraisal

your criticism, in my disapproval…..

today is another day, Eye’ve engaged in life’s battle,

Eye fight to go on, for My own dreams;

for a change, for a chance,

as Eye show my children how to fight for theirs.

as Eye look at my headboard fall apart, Eye smile.

working an honest Goddess’ work day every day,

Eye look at my bills overflowing onto the floor & I smile;

because Eye have a bed, and I have a floor,

as long as Eye work,

as long as Eye work to live, whatever my choice of work may be;

as long as Eye’m the example of engaging in life’s war, for The Soul’s Dreams;

as long as Eye’m the example of engaging in the battle of life, for The Soul’s Destiny,

Eye’m alive.

Eye thank you for the revelation.

I will write on.

Eye Am alive.

©8/10/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Cesspit

Full

Thoughts like pillow stuffing, pushed in my head,

reminders, notes, appointments I’m fed

Worries fit in wherever they can,

even, when there is nowhere… they are where they land

Fear of forgetting or lacking-  finances or time,

doubts of not giving enough of me, drowning Me out

Overwhelming this Determined Soul once & once again;

Hopes, dreams, wonders holding fast in my gut,

but can’t get out of this calamitous hole…

Rut.

from my gut….reflections of light seep through the darkening pit,

& each new burden, simultaneously fill My illuminations

…regurgitating this problem as it presents..

Life feeds me issues anew,

haven’t rid the sour taste prior, laying my palette

With no more tears,

I look over past years,

thinking all My choices were made, as best, as errors were corrected,

Yet I remain in society’s cesspit- a disposal of forgotten mess….

movements that are just acts of automated motions,

Only carefully thought, when involving my babies,

the reflections of hope, resembling light, remaining of My lone Self

Tired & Still,

I refuse to feel sorry for MySelf- for Me,

I know Who lies within the Depths unseen.

I “Must” continue on, in this surrounding, political shit!

Rousing & Inspiring My babies “To Be!”  “To Be!”

“To Be! Despite it all.  Fight from the beginning, Fight through it all….

Fight through the falls!  But “Be” Despite All Odds!!”

Angry, Aggravated, Pissed- Yes.

….at the Soul-Sucking Leeches,

exhausting the very survival of livelihood, of the working wo&man;

but Sorry for Me- No.

Never wanted to be rich,

Never have….

See-the rich are as miserable as broke- ones ain’t never had,

but the comfort of Contentment, Peace, Of Joy,

Of Smiles, of Yesses, and Sures,

 instead of no, not now, not this time, not this time,

not this time,

& maybe next time,

until, maybe they’ve forgotten- I hope…

but, in My heart remains the couldn’ts, Mama don’t have, didn’t haves,

Wish I could haves, wish I could…

No matter how much I work, no matter what I try to do….

I wanna say, “What’s the use?”…Work…this “life”

Fuck it all!!  At least I can spend quality time with them!!

….make My dreams Memories, Millions of feet tall….

Reality.

Knowing….I have food to supply…Medications to buy,

School to instill, so on & so on…

I keep on going

In mechanical hell…

listening to the “get it together” stories of how somebody got it worse

& how somebody had it this way, when they were a child

Well ya know, I’m sorry you had it like that

& I’m grateful for healthy children…Thank My Master every chance I get!! ” I do!!”

but this is a new day & time

It should be better;  damn it it aint!!!!

I’m thankful for My struggles as a child,

because of them “I have the memories of strength to go on”

But, I will not use it for an excuse not to want or expect more!

……& I go on praying the love channeled between my children & I will contain My sanity,

…..& I pray I’m sane long enough to see, they’ve heard & followed Ma’s words to go “up” hill

from their 1^st steps out, fighting like hell to stay at the top….

 “ If you should fall…. fight on the ground, come up fighting, but Don’t stop!” 

Once you’re on the bottom, in the middle even,….

It’s like a shoe’s heel over your head to keep you there…

In the Cesspit.

“You Be!”

5/23/12 © LeTisha.Bowie