Deaf Ears

couldn't pay you with the last of the nickels you left me with,
to fulfill your promises
or to display some of that midnight lovin' in Day's light,
to create peace, in the world that surrounded us...
& it didn't matter what I said or did,
all of the facts & tears went ignored
& if the clues had been written in stone,
you still wouldn't have seen the house in which we dwelt,
was no longer a home,
my voice had become silent to your hearing...
deaf ears refused my voice's pleas,
as I exhaustedly beat the drums inside of your ears,
with my determination for change, hopes in your abilities
& fear of another failure,
...with confusion strong & persistence...
I listened to you say you never saw it, say you didn't know,
& man...I've had a hard time comprehending that,
with all the tears you watched flow,
now your overdue attention just doesn't stream smoothly
& as suddenly as the pounding upon your eardrums ceased,
so did my heart's bleeding,
I saw that we were merely sustaining in survival mode
& you know, even when I spelled that little bit out,
I was still the only one who understood the severity of my lost hope,
...it was when our Love was parched dry & I had nothing left to spill,
that you began wondering the reasoning for my disconnect,
proclaiming that you didn't understand & how you would swallow this huge pill,

Me?.....
Stunned by the suggestion that my hell, my loneliness, my suffering...
that my very spirit had not only been stomped, but rolled up & left orphaned,
Pain-numb...
there are no words, no expressions nor emotions you could give,
which could free this repetitive fear...
the depth of my hollowness won't allow such a reaction to be stimulated,
for another bond to have been breached...
but I listened on....I did...
knowing you knew, as well as I by the calloused scars I had revealed,
& listened myself into an ignorance of reality, for my dreams that still lived...
now perplexed by the bile released from your guts,
but unmoved & steadfast in the least,
as I'd had my own taste of disgust
there's truly nothing I'm willing to do, again...
for loneliness & weariness have pierced me through & through,
but It no longer tortures me, with questions to things I'll never know,
it's taken too much energy, & I've already began using it to rebuild my soul,
knowing it is worth every ounce of who I Am
~ “Enough”

© 10/25/2013 LeTisha.Woods

giving up

you say you still love me
You say you still love me?

I'll never give you the, “I've heard it before” lines
because, you know that I have,
through the strength that I'd gained,
from the heartache in my past
& I've learned through life & pain,
not to hold that past, as shackles to what I'm trying to build & maintain

You say letting go is too hard to do, when you really love some one
now you know who I am, I'm always gon keep it real
there were two parts to 'this' vibration, when harmonies blended

you began to yield... to an inner self arrogance & pride
that you withheld, when there was no need for pretending,
I like shit straight to the point,
spoofing should be held, for those who choose to ride the train of 'chance'
I love the rain, but don't pull me out before I dance in it

it prevented a solid unity, creating a huge divide
you know my kind, we been here a while,
Eye Am a rid-a die, who has chosen not to remain chained,
following the bloody droplet stains of my heart,
cherishing memories from a distant beginning,
but stopping not a second longer, in this stunted ending,

continuing to digest lessons & once again, strength for elevation,
knowing the heightened fire withIn me
can no longer endure, an unsure heart,
mouldering my goals & smothering my soul's desires...
right here, right now....Eye feel you,
& wonder if you hear the repetitive notes,
producing no tunes, which play-out before they begin...

Eye listen, no longer able to hear,
no longer in anger, but in tiresome vain
I want to stand clear
of motionLessNess & soundLessness phrases & actions,
which are only vocal blurs,
on the the merry-go-bound Her's Souls seeking...
I can no longer concur, the actions that initially created a bond,
causing me to ponder, on how true love changes,
realEyezing It doesn't, if It's essentially true,
as mine has always been for the life-flight,
until left stranded by the way-side, hitchhiking,
clutching my heart in my hand, & I've gotten a lift again ….
a Soul ride....

See any facade grows old, because, it isn't truly you...
& now the thirst is dry, belonging to yesteryear,
& has roughly landed us here, at what began as One pathway,
now a broken path of two

letting go Is hard to do......
when you 'Really' love someone,
I've worn & bore the anguish of it for the past few years,
speaking to closed ears, as distance carried on its way,
creating this wedge, resting within our vibrations,
disturbing the beat & flow in our songs,
taking the flow out of the cadence, as your ear's drums....rested....
to my cries....the love ache I bled for has dried...

giving up Is so hard to do,
when you 'Really' love someone.....
but when you're post-fighting for lost compassion, comfort, & stability
& the many things unlimited She offers,
versus fighting during the fight, to hold tight, to “the love of your life”
that is what Love does....it Moves..
You......
never clung to Her invested pleasures,
taken for granted, that She would always emptily, be waiting
If so, you would have noticed our lost ways
how do you let go of something you never 'held' the value of?
for our heart's freedom & the truth of love's wings
let me fly, stop trying to taper my wings,
trying to figure out things, your soul should know
giving up was so hard to do, but I didn't have to
I noticed the vacancy in my heart,
with the slip of your hand, from withIn mine, a long time ago


© 7/30/13 LeTisha.W.Bowie

This Love

bare-footed & slowly,

tip-toeing….

through the wavering heart plashets…

underneath me…

only looking into the Soul that’s surrounding

Its rain drips down…

drop…pouring…

from a battered weariness,

cascading upon my own achy feet,

which wear the pain of my dreary mess,

catching each of his drips,

withIn my Soul…They take rest,

filling appetites,

for I hunger a Soul shower,

replacing lost moments,

with just This time,

to devour his love,

to step into

& plug….

mySelf.

within the breach of his heart,

as, I too, have fractures…

that rain down into art,

spilling abstract images & words,

with no more end…..no

start.----ed with passion, love,

trust & dreams….

yet, here am I,

knee-deep….

in two lover’s tear-jerkers,

sleepless, mid-nightmare screams….

“indulge me….

in an ocean’s refuged hearts dive,

before it all dries,

cracking ….

into more heart faults,

causing hearts that drip tears & blood…

taken…..cracked hearts clutters…..”

I mutter….

floating about,

withIn what love puddles…

caressing the waves of his Soul’s shutters,

overflowing into my river,

into

what This love’ll do

© 11/25/12 LeTisha.Woods

Plenish

We walked brick hearted paved walk-ways,

along the edge of the lake’s shores last night…..

I counted the stars that floated from His eyes,

into the darkness of the wondrous sky,

as these lovers eyes of mine caught a few for HerSelf…..

while He looked into my soul,

speaking… without opening the thick lusciousness of His lips,

filling my bosom, womb & hips,

with then, now, always & forever lovesssssss of ….

will you take my hand…

it fits so comfortably inside mine….

Let’s conform Our lands,

with the love that amounts to all the answers

that have been seek over time….

we’ve….

they’ve seeked

the union we’ve….

they’ve seeked

we embraced Our OneNess…..

One Soul…..shined onto the midnight Onyx waters beauty,

as the reflection of the Moon…..

an individual mirror of waves….

of currents of Love at sea….

Him….Me.

A single Unit with Mami Wata & the Universe,

performing a love waltz,

We were the water’s edge,

Lovers evolved, into the Moon’s kisses,

beyond physical understandings,

it’s all spiritual…. were we’ve landed….

I kissed His stars,

He kissed My beIng,

We hugged & clutched LovIng,

out of Our OverFlowing Waters,

into thirsty life,

the love of life….

lovers scorn….

lovers searching…..

lovers lost….

lovers hope…..

lovers New…..

replenishing & Filling Ever so quickly

nil second was missed,

as Our lovIng never skipped a beat…..

the pleasure……

      the fill of what it is….

      the truth of it…..

      Love

© LeTisha.Woods 11/19/12

The Mirror

the tick-tocking of the second hand on the old clock

seems to have slowed…..

or maybe stopped….

at some uncertain point or time…

as all hell breaks loose

again… in the “house”

day in….day out ,

night through….into the morning’s dew,

spoiling sunrises and sunsets,

with constant nausea from battles…

and the ticK-tocK…

ticK-tocKing reminders

of these forever unbalanced vows…

one vow of heaven & one of hell….=Two

that should have been “One”….

on into the years that passed me by….

easily roused by uncontrollable angers,

that are unBecoming of Me…

flying passed…

I quick-glanced at the mirror

noticing a reflection

and the woman I see confuses me…

I have no clue who’s looking back at me,

with her battered eyes, no smile or desire…

I stare at her questioning her unnoticed tire..

she gazes back at me in a wiry, uncaring disarray,

an unusual furiousness,

unhappily, unfulfilled misery…

I stared at her perplexed…I felt her pain…

and she looked at me as such, with attitude

like I was the one that looked rough…

I wondered what could cause her to be in such an emplacement…

what had become of this woman staring at me?

I fell downward into seat

as huge raindrops plummeted

from my dark brown eyes

I tilted my head left, looking at her,

feeling her pain

and she tilted her head with me

and she cried with me….

we stared down at the drops…..

into the puddles formed upon our laps

looking at the woman sharing my tears

in this puddle reflection….here too!!

heart-shocked!

sobbing at unrecognizable me!!

Ohh!!....

“Are you long gone?”

“Am Eye!?”

And My Inner Soul speaks,

“I tell you She’s been sleeping…withIn..

awaiting…

Your aWakening….”

“for “You” to see you…

to see the carapace  in which you’ve become…

your demeanor is his

….tone is not your own

you’ve lost Your stance

no longer floating with your heavenly  gait

& you’ve hidden sight… the Beautiful Dove that lies withIn”

surviving…

playing the role of your part …

in a house you thought would be home…

you were dressed all nice,

whispered soft delicacies,

truths revealed themselves over time

& you endured the fabrications

fighting for love that never arrived….

so You buried You withIn,

for the safety of Your Soul

& I’ve awaited the day You’d “really”  stop

look at You

So I could tell you,

Face to Face…

knowing that that Eye would knock the dust off…

awaken your pain…

arouse reality…

rewind your brain…

the time is Now:

you must see…

that physically you no longer remain

you have been broken into but a shell of a being….

surviving for the survival and pleasures of him,

gifted heartache and loneliness in return

It is up to You now….

Facing yourSelf….

You choose….

to Be a reflection of someone else

or decide if You want to Free Your Soul & release

Your Happiness….Your voice…Strength,

Your peace…..LoVingNess….

Remembering Your Smile

Sincerely,

Self

© 10/25/12 LeTisha.Woods

closed chapter

gliding in smooth sailing, on your cheap straw broom,

you swept me clean off my feet,

I thought we were drifting on a gentle breeze,

as I floated along your cavity full of lies,

& I’ve paid in full,

with cash,

ass- & mostly pieces of my soul & heart,

from the start,

I laid it out & open,

giving my everything,

spread my wings, sharing my days,

as I listened to your stories, all dazed,

your promises- watching your ways,

all the while being played gently,

like and acoustic guitar,

strings plucked lightly,

delivering a beautiful love story

treated like a Queen in them early days,

I was…

In a house, I thought was a home…

Yeah- I felt I dwelt in a mansion,

even though,

it was nowhere near, what my heart had shone….

then like crunchy, chocolate, chip cookies,

my life’s droppings crumbled downward slowly,

as if being enjoyed….every lil piece of my soul,

bit by bit,

love, home & you…

lies slippin’ in & out…

no longer sticking together like glue,

we use to…

as you’d forgotten hugs- that weren’t sincere,

the I love you’s that were no longer spoken-

but if ever true, could never be forgotten,

long eve’s together, became long nights alone,

quick calls, now taken in lower tones,

sweet voices & gentle touches…

now quick & quick toned…

“This isn’t a dream, but a nightmare!” I scream

what in the hell went wrong?

you said… “You will always be a part of the life we will share”

then, suddenly!

I look up…

and know you heart is no longer here nor there,

I know you no longer care…

just stopped you a second, out of your busy day

to give you a few words, before you’re on your way

I have no more time to spare, on useless attempts

….already wasted years, on an ol’ school wannabe pimp-sta

I have no more tears,

I’ve figured you out,

I loved you….You lusted me

We’re unequally yoked…

We’ve fallen apart, not out of a love,

that you were never in…

you can now take your ol’ broom,

jump it, and go for your spin,

there’s no need to talk, no more time to spend..

I’ll give nothing else of me,

I’ve paid an expensive fee,

the last of my energy wasted on you…

Is to say,

My spirit wasn’t created for abuse; or to be ruled.

This chapter of my life has been closed; I’m no longer your fool

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Lift Him Up

assimilating every word obtained,

spoken through written sounds,

dispensing imagined stenches of expired bread,

& the bitterness found… all too late,

laying in dread,

childhood losses….confusion & a lovers pain,

were conveyed through His expressions…

he felt nothing in life…. he had gained,

I felt a painful stab,

as his heart bled, the soulful cries of need,

& an all too intimate story,

of the demand… for answers of a bit clearer vision

sounds inaudible, but ever so loud,

invisible to me, but clearer than the air I breathe,

He…

& the suffering of new losses,

the heaviest stones continue to pile before you,

as quick as you’ve shed them,

from air miles away,

I feel the pulsating within your thoughts,

as my belly-nerves do summer-salts,

all the unions, clubs, groups in the world,

and, this is reality “ the child left behind”

a mind’s tick-tocking clock resonates,

in a silent room,

wondering how to make it another day,

churn-seeking a resolution,

to His heart’s destinations,

for He still has hope,

Fighting against demons, temptations,

childhood & inner battles,

at times, he considers himself doomed…

My heart aches, in a need to deliver hope,

because there is a need & there’s room,

to deliver possibility- a resolution to an all too familiar song…

to deliver comfort, where between these too souls there’s so much space,

to grab him & say “You better hold on!”

Knowing my brother wants to devour this pain,

To rise up & follow His dreams,

To take hope by the reigns, and ride Her til the end of time,

In sunshine or rain

here, I can only embrace you with encouragement & love,

How can we heal this heart, which has been fractured multiple times?

in multiple places, & there’s no one to carry the fine,

a needed soul, that needs mending,

with capabilities felt, from places unseen,

I can uplift you my brother,

encourage you to hold on,

to all that you have,

to all that you own,

knowing all that’s worth value, is within your very Self,

which can give you strength to do things,

in indescribable depths,

Let go of all that “you thought” was holding you up,

because it was a familiar safe haven, & all that you knew,

because you were told what you wanted, but knew it wasn’t good for you,

they knowing your circumstances, stood on you,

watching the pulley bring you down,

sat back, never lifting a hand,

it’s time to brace yourSelf, time to take your own stand

I can assure you of the hidden HisStory,

which is,

You are more than you’ve been taught,

the time is now, to become of seeker of truth,

a conscious knowledge seeker,

determined to continue to overcome,

the HisStory that you know, is not Your own,

the King that lives within, will teach you,

giving you the power that you truly own

I lift You up!

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Can We Make Soul Love?

sit down. will you? 

can we French eye-kiss?

can we? this time……

connect with soul vibrations,releasing tension,

from within your deepest desire’s destinations?

here,inside of you…..

where my enamored love lives…

I see where your weariness lies…

I see deep, passed your dark chestnut eyes…

I see the invisibility of your visibilities…

can I massage the ache in your brain? 

….from within…. 

will you,

allow me,

here, to release the nuisances & pain?

through the royal passages you hide, 

through the power I see within your eyes, 

I’ll enter into this pathway,

where all of You lies…

Magik traveling into your day’s worries & thoughts…

as life’s burdens occupy your mind….

I know it’s here that I will find

& feel your concerns, your aggravations …

your doubts,as its weight releases your presence,

into my grasp it lands, 

between the kneading within my hands…

unwind Baby,

let me rub the doubt right here

& the tire right there…

My Dear…

softly away

into nothingness, and my mind is clear…

upon your soul’s rest, 

as my fingers flow into caress..es,

within your deepest places, where you ache

rotating circular hand-motions in, on your internal shoulder blades, 

where pain wishes to reign,

but is obliviously dismissed,with the power of a crane…….

rubbing throughout, & easing out all distractions in your brain,

erasing before,implanting right now,

love rains down passim & we welcome submergence in Her steamy heat 

mutual muscle relaxation,

under my fingers & palms I flavor,

in simultaneous ease at your comfort, I savor..

the passion & love filling the air’s space, surrounds us,

intoxicated on love filled lungs & souls,

silky soul touches slowly & gently consume our bodies,

sending spirals of spiritual, vibrational connections channeled One to One

I spinal inner-circulating,

within You,

sending your tensensation-vibrations from here into nowhere..

my mind feels your needs from within, 

You're feeling me Wholly,

in the One-Ness that Is…

as I’m rotating on center-axis,

about your inner flesh

around Man-Ness,

centered-ness waistline….

‘round strength of My Man’s being Soul connecting

Face-Face....

My Soul…Your flesh….

& here we Greet –Raw Soul …to Raw Soul,

unbuttoning your chest-wall,

completely releasing your pressures

climactical, soul, depth wanton, desiring…

Our French kissing-eyes locked,passion & water- filled …

your stressed released & relieved presents smile, 

having forgotten the spoils of your day,

looking into the love of Your Queen,

freely willing to take all that away

happily unforgotten pressures,

indescribable words transformed into whispers of soul love,

as you unzip my flesh,revealing my barred soul,

with a smile,now, understanding the key you sought,

dwelled within you all along,

I smile back coyly,

knowing, some keys are only released with the desires of freedom, wisdom, trust & truth 

& Now, 

Spirit to Spirit

One Soul

~raw~ love exposure

exploring each other,

from most interior places,

in Our invisibilities,

all too often overlooked,

the Pertinent sections within the Best Sellers…

the keys aren’t always found in the contents sections or the index,

~It’s Within~

the keys to love aren’t always found in the past,

those were lessons…

the keys take home, within the present,

we live to go forward, 

the clearly visible, but unclearly seen beauty in front of our faces,

we look past,

yes… “lessons in love” are found from our past,

but keys in love are found within now,

because it begins within “Us”….with Self.

"We"

Unlocked & no longer two, 

One Soul 

Possessed by Pure Visible Soul Love

{whispers} Now, Can We Make Soul Love? 

...from True=ly within the depths Our Beings.

©Copyright Protected LeTisha.Woods.Bowie 8/18/12

My Sacrifice is Not Yours

Sacrifice:  to offer, to surrender…to give freely of yourSelf…

to and for the sake of things or people,

for your devoted love and value of them.

My sacrifice may not be yours, nor yours mine.

ours are ours, and to take away the love of either’s,

for personal motives, understood or misunderstood,

leaves room for Self-evaluation;

in life, as mothers and as parents,

most of us, we do the best we can manage,

though in living it, some tend to pass judgments,

without knowing each other’s circumstances;

you see, I may sacrifice my lunch for my child’s supper,

you may have sacrifice your evening for a second job to keep suppers,

I may sacrifice my evenings for chaperoning & participating…

at band, strings, and sports events,

You may have sacrificed those same activities for your peace…

You may have sacrificed those events for finances, in which you had to work…

& many of these, you just couldn’t reach…

I may struggle with finances to keep mine active and of the streets,

while you worked & had to take the risks of leaving us house to house for keep,

until the oldest could raise the youngest,

& then I was the piece of peace keeper…

you see your preachin’s of “keepin’ your pants up and knees closed”

“cuz you ain’t bringin’ no babies in here for me to raise”

never went too far…

they reproduced more than just child,

but resentment of the fact, that I felt I was raising yours…

as a child, not understanding sacrifices,

nor wanting to, when you’re dealing with touches unpleasant,

& threats from low-life peasants,

then, My peace never came….

answers nor understanding never came…

after a while, a gift of life did,

reality hit a homerun,

& your replay in my head stopped……

Not recalling when my childhood started,

but “My” life had begun

I may run my like I’m in a marathon going for the gold,

Like a rugged dog,

the sun’s rays making the end look nearer,

the pavement looks like the water is just a lil’ bit closer,

yet the race is nowhere near its end,

to be home when my babies are home, and home when they’re asleep,

while you singly worked sometimes two jobs,

to care for the lives of three,

& I was taking care of your two;

Your sacrifices, the surviving single Mother,

doing the best you knew how,

You did the most salutary of “Your” Being,

Mine come, a married Mother,

of Today, doing the best I can,

to love from the knowing of Your strength,

not the callings of what some may consider Your error,

the error is of the ignorant, malformed minds, of those you entrusted,

& entrusted,

in which, now I cannot.

Who would I be?

What of a Mother would I be to repeat, yet not learn of the paths We’ve walked?

I’m making My own sacrifices that work on My journey.

I “will” give up my plate.

I “will” stay up late.

I’ll go sleepless nights.

I’ll superlatively climb all heights.

I may not pass your test,

but I’ll be here to make sure they pass theirs.

I may not make “every” concert, every tournament, or every game,

but I’ll try.

I will sacrifice my rest, to show my face.

I will sacrifice my weariness, to take my place.

In the stands, in the bleachers, on the floors….yelling their names,

letting them know,

“Mama sees you!!! I’m here!! You can do it!!”

I’ll sacrifice my life!!!!

& I no longer blame you,

as I did, when I was a child.

the sacrifices you chose are no longer mine,

the ones I choose aren’t yours…this will be my fine.

“You” did the best that you knew….

What you had to do…..

Know that the memories I don’t own, I will instill into mine,

the ones I retain, I will kill to prevent,

Don’t you condemn me for the weight of My Own will,

Sure the force gets grave,

And let it bury me in the Earth!

But I’ll sacrifice “My” life, for the lives that I birthed!!

In Your sacrifices of love, for financial stability

& a lil’ piece of Your own peace,

Unwillingly, You sacrificed pieces of me,

I can only speak for the 1 child of 3,

I can only speak for me,

we all have our own story to tell,

My lessons, I learned well,

when another man’s work day extracts too much from My child,

That’s when My sacrifices to them are done,

it will be time to put that chapter in the file.

©LeTisha.Woods.Bowie 8/11/12