I was Wonderin’…

Good Morning Honey… Hi…

I was wonderin’…

If you only knew that I’ve been dedicatedly, interlaced,

within the place, that should’ve sacredly held me star-struck & captive,

all of my soul’s lovin’ days

and if….if you knew,

that the…the standard vows that have me crossed over & under,

imperfectly woven together,

like some genuine leather & a bit of pleather,

threads snip-slipping at seams here & there,

held together by the care of one lover’s value of it…..

holding tight, not by the momentum of a love crafters skills,

as ours….

….was wondering if you knew the…the…that…

your best wishes greet the stains of my tears,

from the unanswered dull pain, that remains,

another fractured piece my soul holds,

where the Sun’s rain should permeate drizzlin’ kisses

trying…

weary…

I’ve tried not to…to be, but have grown….

& cold,

icicles mold, forming barriers,

sealing the cracks of my heart,

protecting the trap of another lovers game

reminiscing of a underwater divers’ heart…

lovemotions of taking a giant dip into warm, chocolate soul waves,

of the warmth of your welcoming embrace,

the place where blue-birds’ breasts clap,

butterflies in formation…

as they create cupid’s arrow and shoot through …

to the whispering fairies….

as they tell their tales,

of two strange lovers rewriting love,

watching where tears fall, in adoration

from the painful delight in the reverence of the reciprocation

of love,

as cupids butterfly arrow charges anew…

creating ancient, earthly colored patterns,

woven by the 1^st Adam,

drippin’s flow, from the introduction of new,

watery eyes, a shivering heart,

heating as we greet…welcoming arms…

body embracements….friendly thighs….

trembling souls….and a welcoming know-ing

when dreams were meant to be dreamed…

& with expectations, that they could one day be, 

of the respect, touches, & desires….

in all ways…. for always

thinking back….

as I always want to be a person of my word,

here…feeling trapped in a web of “til death do us part”

a one sided web-vow, wondering…. “Who wrote this shit?

Is it legit? or is it that some choose to just rewrite the script?”

they’ve trapped my heart…

daily awakening with an inner delight,

to search, for the light to my way…

I look up….

for the smile to each of my days…

it’s like…

“reaching up to grab sunflower seeds with a belly full of giggles”

& delighting in how you tickle me silly…..

& then I’m like really?

if it’s the art of poetry….

the melody of song….that carries me along…

that lifts my day…..

…while I live the choices that I’ve made…..

Today I smiled.

I was wonderin’ if you knew.

© 9/25/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

closed chapter

gliding in smooth sailing, on your cheap straw broom,

you swept me clean off my feet,

I thought we were drifting on a gentle breeze,

as I floated along your cavity full of lies,

& I’ve paid in full,

with cash,

ass- & mostly pieces of my soul & heart,

from the start,

I laid it out & open,

giving my everything,

spread my wings, sharing my days,

as I listened to your stories, all dazed,

your promises- watching your ways,

all the while being played gently,

like and acoustic guitar,

strings plucked lightly,

delivering a beautiful love story

treated like a Queen in them early days,

I was…

In a house, I thought was a home…

Yeah- I felt I dwelt in a mansion,

even though,

it was nowhere near, what my heart had shone….

then like crunchy, chocolate, chip cookies,

my life’s droppings crumbled downward slowly,

as if being enjoyed….every lil piece of my soul,

bit by bit,

love, home & you…

lies slippin’ in & out…

no longer sticking together like glue,

we use to…

as you’d forgotten hugs- that weren’t sincere,

the I love you’s that were no longer spoken-

but if ever true, could never be forgotten,

long eve’s together, became long nights alone,

quick calls, now taken in lower tones,

sweet voices & gentle touches…

now quick & quick toned…

“This isn’t a dream, but a nightmare!” I scream

what in the hell went wrong?

you said… “You will always be a part of the life we will share”

then, suddenly!

I look up…

and know you heart is no longer here nor there,

I know you no longer care…

just stopped you a second, out of your busy day

to give you a few words, before you’re on your way

I have no more time to spare, on useless attempts

….already wasted years, on an ol’ school wannabe pimp-sta

I have no more tears,

I’ve figured you out,

I loved you….You lusted me

We’re unequally yoked…

We’ve fallen apart, not out of a love,

that you were never in…

you can now take your ol’ broom,

jump it, and go for your spin,

there’s no need to talk, no more time to spend..

I’ll give nothing else of me,

I’ve paid an expensive fee,

the last of my energy wasted on you…

Is to say,

My spirit wasn’t created for abuse; or to be ruled.

This chapter of my life has been closed; I’m no longer your fool

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Lift Him Up

assimilating every word obtained,

spoken through written sounds,

dispensing imagined stenches of expired bread,

& the bitterness found… all too late,

laying in dread,

childhood losses….confusion & a lovers pain,

were conveyed through His expressions…

he felt nothing in life…. he had gained,

I felt a painful stab,

as his heart bled, the soulful cries of need,

& an all too intimate story,

of the demand… for answers of a bit clearer vision

sounds inaudible, but ever so loud,

invisible to me, but clearer than the air I breathe,

He…

& the suffering of new losses,

the heaviest stones continue to pile before you,

as quick as you’ve shed them,

from air miles away,

I feel the pulsating within your thoughts,

as my belly-nerves do summer-salts,

all the unions, clubs, groups in the world,

and, this is reality “ the child left behind”

a mind’s tick-tocking clock resonates,

in a silent room,

wondering how to make it another day,

churn-seeking a resolution,

to His heart’s destinations,

for He still has hope,

Fighting against demons, temptations,

childhood & inner battles,

at times, he considers himself doomed…

My heart aches, in a need to deliver hope,

because there is a need & there’s room,

to deliver possibility- a resolution to an all too familiar song…

to deliver comfort, where between these too souls there’s so much space,

to grab him & say “You better hold on!”

Knowing my brother wants to devour this pain,

To rise up & follow His dreams,

To take hope by the reigns, and ride Her til the end of time,

In sunshine or rain

here, I can only embrace you with encouragement & love,

How can we heal this heart, which has been fractured multiple times?

in multiple places, & there’s no one to carry the fine,

a needed soul, that needs mending,

with capabilities felt, from places unseen,

I can uplift you my brother,

encourage you to hold on,

to all that you have,

to all that you own,

knowing all that’s worth value, is within your very Self,

which can give you strength to do things,

in indescribable depths,

Let go of all that “you thought” was holding you up,

because it was a familiar safe haven, & all that you knew,

because you were told what you wanted, but knew it wasn’t good for you,

they knowing your circumstances, stood on you,

watching the pulley bring you down,

sat back, never lifting a hand,

it’s time to brace yourSelf, time to take your own stand

I can assure you of the hidden HisStory,

which is,

You are more than you’ve been taught,

the time is now, to become of seeker of truth,

a conscious knowledge seeker,

determined to continue to overcome,

the HisStory that you know, is not Your own,

the King that lives within, will teach you,

giving you the power that you truly own

I lift You up!

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

In the Nick of Time

came halfway earth, to greet the smile,

that’s been channeled through soul vibrations,

hundreds of miles,

of indigo oceans and emerald lands,

of my longing heart & seeking-mind’s span…

finally sneaking glances of Its perfection,

in the reflection of the Moon’s light above,

His chocolate silhouette’s beauty,

looking from you to the magnificent night,

& my heart flutters for Her love of each sight

as we stand, daring this suffering

such longing, with disbelief,

our toes bathing, at the curtsy of sea & the beach,

looking into the eyes of my soul’s distant, choosey lover,

where unspoken words say it all….

thinking, so glad you chose me

memories of my pens & pencils that wrote…

“never shatter my young glass heart again”

halting, knowing that my heart is no longer that thin..

but, here I stand, knowing it took a real man,

to break the barriers I command,

as emotional soul transmissions continue to flow,

which had been intentionally bound by bricks….

refusing to be bitten again,

sucked dry by the night vultures deadly carotid pricks

& shockingly,

Now

looking into “A Lover’s” eyes,

willing to oblige,

falling into all that you need,

all that you are and desire to be,

that you have given me,

without even, the strong, gentle touch you possess & I long

a speaking essence, intoxicating my space

with your needing me to believe & know,

as all pain, heartaches, fear & mistakes blow…

washing away at sea

thought my words of love would forever be expressions

of the deliverances of what should be,

thought my words & dreams…….

& for each letter I’d forever write….

that….

if there were only one of you

I’d tell your story in lessons

for the love She awaits & searches,

would greet Her sooner than we,

& would be the product of your love projected,

Yet, here I stand before my love,

with the time we have left,

to give the magnitude of my affection,

to ones respecting of Its gift.

Us.

© LeTisha.Woods.Bowie 9/16/12

Is it worth the Risk?

Falling in love

Images of protection

Speculations of affection

Dreams of life-long idealism

Collapsing sounds regress into a mirage

a fantasy

or maybe its my pressing this agitation

of love’s known complications

in life

in loves of all kind

the reality..

the realism that love is true,

perfection is not…

in me or you-

in the things we yearn,

as life’s journeys move on..

and we become

perfect in imperfect individuality,

as we live, as we learn…

the fantasized facts, we see are unique flaws

as we began calculating- figuring math’s laws

is it worth the risk of “falling” in love

into the “whys?”, the “whos?”, the “wheres?”, the whats?”

…that love bares?

…that we really know aren’t concerns, but questionnaires?

which we also too soon, find aren’t about love,

aren’t about “us”

but making sure someone’s home,

while the other’s out “there”

the stayin’ home sweet-keepin’,

thinkin’ they’re doing the help-meetin’,

soon reveals itself, as late night creepin’….

pillow case rose-petals awaiting his lay,

to awaken midnights, to cold beds & another day,

wilted petals still crumbling under your feet,

yet you jump to fix her breakfast hoping…

just may….be a brighter morning you will be greet-ed

kids fed,

more accepted lame excuses,

planning to rock his night in bed,

only to have her turn over,

giving you the cold shoulder instead..

you quietly shed your stale tears again,

having no idea how you ended up in this love-spin.

deciding maybe married life ain’t for you,

this is married, living single ain’t what it’s cracked up to be…

It’s a fractured egg, with its’ heart spilling a lento cry,

gonna free yourself from the shackles of liarmony…

be You, instead of who they pretend to want…

the “reality” you’ve unveiled is

they want home & the streets

the combination- both of natures beast

never resolutions or conclusions

to discussions & fussings,

they always lead to temporary fixes,

constant rewinds of the same conditions,

wishing…

you could free your mind

& love yourself enough to grab a hold

of the dreams that still rest in your soul

to be who “You” Are,

no longer playing the part,

Wives & Husbands for homes,

yet not good enough

for the All that complete love consists of

Naahh, Don’t wanna fall in love no more

Wanna be in love…

Wanna  love…

Wanna be loved…Give love

& if marriage has lost its ancient value….

If marriage has lost true love & respect, it must now be called death!

Because it will kill a Spirit.

If it takes the aspects of all that it is,

we won’t take the risk of falling.

Let us just jump into ….

Let’s just be in love.

Let the new that know,

& the old that never forgot,

fall into each other,

like a dive into the oceans embrace of Mami Wata,

losing ourselves within ourselves…

Is the risk of falling in love versus not

worth cost of happiness & freedom?

worth the cost of love itself?

Did you fall for someone, who didn’t fall for you?

Did you fall for one, who didn’t have a clue,

of what falling meant?

Of what love is?

Of what love needs?

which is all that your heart wishes to be, to do, to give, to lose,

but Its Ownself….

Did you fall, then love or did you love the fall?

What’s the risk?

Is it you?

Is it love?

because we tend to fall into the word itself,

easily speaking it,

easily falling….slipping…

easily slipping out,

of a place we were never truly devout…

falling into lust is a lot easier…..

versus imbedding & merging our hearts with

& into the person with whom we love & are willing to take life’s risk.

Let us fall into each other, for the sake of Everlasting Love.

© 8/2012 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

HerStory

I hungrily ate each letter,

digested them gently, one by one,

& made words,

knowing the power that is HerStory,

the power she can’t see,

& power I can no longer let go undone

as I looked within Her full, dark eyes,

peering into a brain of resting wisdom,

I see hope through the severity of Her pain

the wanting of not even a shoulder,

but, just a listening ear,

an honest, understanding heart,

knowing the anguish held in for years

~~they don’t know!

they don’t even care!

they stare, & judge me, from rumors carried everywhere!

casting lines, hooking my spirit,

tearing my unhealed scars,

ripping my unhealed wounds,

because they don’t choose to know me~~

~~they don’t want to

never even tried,

they’ve hated me,

without knowing who I am inside,

they’ve rated me, based on some ungodly scale,

thinking this is the fate I’ve made for myself-

well they can all go to hell!~~

~~I’ve been down,

cracked out…yeah I’ve been at rock bottom’s bottom,

as they pointed & as they watch….shaking their heads…

& I don’t speak, I look..

Sometimes I’ve winked…just for the sake of it!!!~~

~~I’ve let them throw dirt & reopen old, yet barely healing wounds,

…..looking up at the moon,

I walk off to get my next hit,

covering the pain of a scarred over, infected wound….

just to make it another day~~

~~screaming inside, Wait!!!!!!!!!

You! You don’t know me!! You don’t know my fuckin’ story!!!

You… don’t knowww…wh..a.t it’s like….You know nothing!!! Hypocrites you!!

You.. you… think it’s too late, but I’ll show you. 

You!! who never cared enough to ask!!!

You!! who never gave a damn about a lil girl!!!!

You forgot me, but I’ll always remember you….

You never asked what happened to the smart lil girl….

….the educated lil sister….

that went from heaven to hell overnight!!!

You yellin’ you for the people!!!

You….walked away!!!

You….walked all over me like a piece of ass for sale…..

A lil girl!!! Trying to survive, all confused in this world…

of cruel adults….

Ohhh….How could you??? And then judge me!!!?

You never asked!!!

And then later….as I fell….still…you never asked….

……is there anything that you need?~~

But, she didn’t scream it,

the awakening women,

broken child,

she cried, within the safety of her high….

~~nor would I get on my knees, beg or plead!

to tell them My story…of my rape,

….to those who had no clue,

but gifted me hatred & judgment for years,

no I wouldn’t tell them of my stolen childhood,

….those who knew & swept it under the rug,

as if they could tell me how to deal with it,

as if they knew when enough time had passed,

like I could swat it away like a bug on my ass,

& as if they knew, when the nightmares would go away,

THEY HAVEN’T! I remember it, just like it was yesterday!

Oh NO! Not my blood, who walked over me,

Talked over me, & about me,

forgetting Sistah was never dumb,

….Just broken~~

~~& I’m smart enough that I must give thanks!

I still have the consciousness to say I want to overcome!

But, as I rise up,

I’ll never forget the theft of my lost blood,

the deception of my bloodline,

nor the blood that left me homeless,

But I’ll remember the Ones who help me now,

giving encouragement,

to stand,

to give to My loves~~

~~I’ll never forget the religious families, the righteous families,

my preacher uncle, the combination…

who raped the lil girl I was,

& tried to steal My Soul~~

She told.

© 9/8/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie

Life’s Lemons, Salt & a Sweet Soul of Fire

today.
I breathe
sporadic, axiomatic breaths,
unaware of what tomorrow holds, much less the future,
as I try harder each day,
the foot on my back remains,
even heavier,
My still steel spine holds,
with the salty sweat beads of determination rolling down its center.
& My stride keeps swaying,
sashaying, with the knowing & the burning from deepness unseen,
head high, chest out…. I sway,
without thoughts of where or how the next…
backbreaking step will land…
grounded or stomped on my fight…
taking me,
as all the previous ones have…
to a halt, leading nowhere,
mind going forward, body held frozen
Is the real?

but My Soul has an ancient force,
She won’t stay down,
Burning like fire!
again I will dissolve this barrier & rise,
Strength, to bear yet another footmark,
within a seemingly unmoving life,
a determined brain steering-will-power,
from places I can only feel…

& I Wombman have the nerve & the nerves,
I do…
to smile…
recognizing the beauty & the joy of the sounds of My own laughter!
….occasionally
quietly remaining,
often, shocking Self… with how?- wonder
“Why…. I can bring me here more often, right?”
……& I know that this place in which Eye exist
…that life – !
day by day, chokes my ease
slowly…
with no matters of the amounts of back-breaking sweat & work,
if there’s no remainders at the end of the days =
it does equal up to sweat & knowing, with lemons & saltiness

stealing the slightest rays of My desire to be…
leaving taste buds bitter of bile,
smothering My gifts, My smiles, My drive…
for a while…
extinguishing happiness,
causing repetitive water-filled eyes…
face doesn’t wear it- heart holds it,
resonating in monotonic tones & recorded smiles,
but, burning within, in words & songs..
floating about freely, like butterflies & fireflies,
eating & portioning spoken & lyrical stories,
as I live, receive & give, stand & breathe
I will-
take this bitter life,
that will never overpower the sweetness of the Fire in My Soul

“&”

if one day this ol’place finds me diverting Soul Love…
vibrations fluxing around & above,
from the sidewalks, the by-walks, the paved walkways,
or the windows of shacks to the people I meet,
internally shining through every crevice & over creeks…
I will!
“My” voice, I will always own.
This is no bill or dollar that shall be indebted or cashed in on.
It is here where My Sweet Soul’s Fire will always flow…in words, in art, in lyrics- my songs.

© LeTisha.Woods.Bowie 8/6/12