HerStory

I hungrily ate each letter,

digested them gently, one by one,

& made words,

knowing the power that is HerStory,

the power she can’t see,

& power I can no longer let go undone

as I looked within Her full, dark eyes,

peering into a brain of resting wisdom,

I see hope through the severity of Her pain

the wanting of not even a shoulder,

but, just a listening ear,

an honest, understanding heart,

knowing the anguish held in for years

~~they don’t know!

they don’t even care!

they stare, & judge me, from rumors carried everywhere!

casting lines, hooking my spirit,

tearing my unhealed scars,

ripping my unhealed wounds,

because they don’t choose to know me~~

~~they don’t want to

never even tried,

they’ve hated me,

without knowing who I am inside,

they’ve rated me, based on some ungodly scale,

thinking this is the fate I’ve made for myself-

well they can all go to hell!~~

~~I’ve been down,

cracked out…yeah I’ve been at rock bottom’s bottom,

as they pointed & as they watch….shaking their heads…

& I don’t speak, I look..

Sometimes I’ve winked…just for the sake of it!!!~~

~~I’ve let them throw dirt & reopen old, yet barely healing wounds,

…..looking up at the moon,

I walk off to get my next hit,

covering the pain of a scarred over, infected wound….

just to make it another day~~

~~screaming inside, Wait!!!!!!!!!

You! You don’t know me!! You don’t know my fuckin’ story!!!

You… don’t knowww…wh..a.t it’s like….You know nothing!!! Hypocrites you!!

You.. you… think it’s too late, but I’ll show you. 

You!! who never cared enough to ask!!!

You!! who never gave a damn about a lil girl!!!!

You forgot me, but I’ll always remember you….

You never asked what happened to the smart lil girl….

….the educated lil sister….

that went from heaven to hell overnight!!!

You yellin’ you for the people!!!

You….walked away!!!

You….walked all over me like a piece of ass for sale…..

A lil girl!!! Trying to survive, all confused in this world…

of cruel adults….

Ohhh….How could you??? And then judge me!!!?

You never asked!!!

And then later….as I fell….still…you never asked….

……is there anything that you need?~~

But, she didn’t scream it,

the awakening women,

broken child,

she cried, within the safety of her high….

~~nor would I get on my knees, beg or plead!

to tell them My story…of my rape,

….to those who had no clue,

but gifted me hatred & judgment for years,

no I wouldn’t tell them of my stolen childhood,

….those who knew & swept it under the rug,

as if they could tell me how to deal with it,

as if they knew when enough time had passed,

like I could swat it away like a bug on my ass,

& as if they knew, when the nightmares would go away,

THEY HAVEN’T! I remember it, just like it was yesterday!

Oh NO! Not my blood, who walked over me,

Talked over me, & about me,

forgetting Sistah was never dumb,

….Just broken~~

~~& I’m smart enough that I must give thanks!

I still have the consciousness to say I want to overcome!

But, as I rise up,

I’ll never forget the theft of my lost blood,

the deception of my bloodline,

nor the blood that left me homeless,

But I’ll remember the Ones who help me now,

giving encouragement,

to stand,

to give to My loves~~

~~I’ll never forget the religious families, the righteous families,

my preacher uncle, the combination…

who raped the lil girl I was,

& tried to steal My Soul~~

She told.

© 9/8/12 LeTisha.Woods.Bowie